Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
