I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
