Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
