my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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