dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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