we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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