Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
