my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
