Im at strip club and am horny
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
