So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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