i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
