uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
