so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
