Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
