I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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