I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
