ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
