Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
