you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
