Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
