my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
