I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its about making memories worth repressing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
