i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
