I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
