Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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