I CAN MOONWALK!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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