Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
