did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
