Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
