the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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