i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
