she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
