Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
