In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
