My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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