I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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