my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she peed on how many people?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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