Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
