Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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