You can't special order awesome
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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