I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
