sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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