my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
