it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
