I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
