"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm determined to sit on that face.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
