Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
