As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
