there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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