Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
