there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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