I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
